Noncanonical Texts

Bolton Abbey and Mount St. Odile Script Fragments

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Chapter 112

Verses 19-26

It was at this time that Simon The Pilferer was remonstrating in Hahfalaeth, and many people traveled to the Great City of Capethafar to seek refuge. On the fourth morning a young shepherd girl lead her flock to the west of the city to seek out fresh pastures and gather selotape juice from the slopes of Mount Sheercapethafar. A hermit by the name of Charles had lived in nearby caves for many centuries, and saw the young girl approaching from a distance. Without hesitation he prepared a fire and a boiling pot. When the girl reached the pastures close to Charles he called to her, saying "Young girl, come here so that I might boil you in my pot." Sensing Charles was a great man, the girl hopped into the pot and was promptly boiled. Later that evening the girl returned home. As she approached the people of the city began to panic, saying "Hark at her, she is returned boiled and hardened." When the young girl entered the city it was clear that she had lasers on her wrists and missiles in her toes. From this day forth she was known as Charalaffarmonagsheth, meaning "The girl that Charles the Hermit boiled so as to give her lasers on her wrists and missiles in her toes."
It was the fifth day, and the people slowed.

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